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Your inner light | Maher a.s.
Dear Freshman Maher,
There is so much I want to tell you, so much I want to show you, so much I want to warn you about. I know that’s not quite possible, and I am far too aware of my faults to attempt to change history should that chance be offered to me, for fear it would change all the good. But, for just a short moment, please indulge me as I bask in the catharsis of pretending to do just that.
You’ll soon learn that you tend to ramble - a lot - so I’ll do us both a favor and keep this as short as I possibly can. Also, as an aside, sometimes (only sometimes) it’ll help you a lot to shut your mouth and “Talk less, smile more” as Aaron Burr from Hamilton would tell you so kindly.
First, SLOW DOWN. You’ve been waiting eighteen years for this moment, to meet the world, to leave your limited bubble holding you in stasis and are ready to see what’s really out there. You want it all: the trials, the fame, the glory, the excitement, the challenge. You enroll in Math 240 because you want to get it over with and sign up for twenty clubs. You joke about Penn being a candy store and you’re a wide eyed six-year-old let loose with a hundred-dollar bill. Now, four years later, you don’t quite remember how you did on that first midterm nor what clubs you were a part of. You know what you do remember, though? You remember when you stayed up all night at the Radian talking about how bananas are going extinct, you remember the sweaty frat basement, you remember that Uber on the way to Latin BBQ. Nobody cares what you do on paper; YOU won’t care what you do on paper in just two years, let alone four. Take the time to enjoy the moment and be present. Take the time to have good conversations. Take the time to be true to yourself and, quoting a good friend, I urge you to embrace the “good weird”. Life is not a fire hose you’re going to have to struggle to drink out of, it’s a butterfly that lands on you when you least expect it, when you’re still and present.
Second, some friends, in this place far away from where you grew up and spent most of your life, will become family, in ways you cannot even imagine. They are going to hold you together in ways you cannot expect when the world hits you in ways you never thought it would. I won’t spoil the movie and tell you who these people are, but please promise me that you will find them, love them, be there for them. Be a good friend, be their brother, hold on to them like nothing you’ve held onto before and don’t be afraid they’ll push back. I wish I could have read this my freshman year:
“But no matter the medicinal virtues of being a true friend or sustaining a long close relationship with another, the ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self, the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.” – David Whyte
Third, love unabashedly. You come from a background where that isn’t very acceptable or encouraged – but who cares. Love your friends, your professors, your mentees, your neighbours, and even that girl in your hall who hates you for not drinking almond milk (you know who you are). People are just as confused and anxious as you, and every person is their story’s protagonist. The sooner you embrace your belief that people are inherently good, the better. Consider your inner light a superpower if that makes you feel better. Changing the world doesn’t necessarily mean bringing about the climate revolution. It can mean being a source of positivity in people’s life. Crack a joke, get excited about stupid things: it rubs off on others. Inspire others if you can; help them in other ways when you can’t. I know you’re scared of giving without bounds because you’re scared of being taken advantage of or stepped over; don’t be. You’re not going to experience happiness until you embrace that part of yourself. Embrace it early: pick a friend and do something kind, brighten up their day, solve their problem, throw eggs at their ex’s chapter house! Start with someone you trust and take that giving everywhere. I promise, it’s worth it.
Finally, have faith. Even in four years, you’ll look at those who believe everything is going to turn out okay and think “huh, how do they do that?”. No matter how hard you try, you’re going to struggle to trust the process; you’re going to struggle to find comfort in the idea of “God’s plan” or “what’s meant to be.” I just opened a letter that you, my freshman self, wrote me, your senior self – and by the way, you should DEFINITELY write a letter to your senior self talking about your hopes, fears, dreams and whatever. In that letter, I saw that your fears, while completely valid, were not the things I ended up struggling with the most. The biggest problems in life are often things that you don’t expect. I did not expect my country running bankrupt and my parents’ life savings fizzling away. I did not expect their divorce. I did not expect wondering if I’d be able to wire tuition for the next semester. No amount of planning can stop these things. I saw that many dreams you feared wouldn’t come true didn’t come true, because something better was destined to happen. You didn’t get that data science job at Facebook, and I’m so happy you didn’t. You didn’t keep talking to that girl from high school, and I’m so relieved that you didn’t. Some of your dreams didn’t come true, and I’m so happy they didn’t.
What got you through it all? Faith. Faith, my friend, is better than planning, scheming or fighting. The sun will rise again, it always does.
My point is: it works out, I promise. I know you won’t believe me. But, I promise you Maher, trust the process, and have faith that the universe will always give you exactly what you deserve.
Penn will be the most insane, eventful, transformative, and by far the best four years of your life. Oh, and for the love of everything good, stop wearing size small shirts.
Good Luck Habibi.
Love,
Maher A.S.